About Me

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It's not. About me, I mean. Really!
I avoid labels when possible, but here goes: SWF, 40'ish, 20 year Navy veteran. I have an inner ham and her name is Ms. Piggy.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Just sharing

The following was my reply in a transgender persons support group to the question, "What was your first time out in public?" :
It's hard for me to nail that one down for sure, but I think the following story was likely my first time:
I was still in the military at the time, and committed to finishing my 20 years; being caught out dressing would have been a huge disaster. At least I thought so at the time, now I'm not so sure about that, but I digress.

My car at the time was a loud, souped-up hot rod that I had built and I used to drag race with. No pun intended! Not exactly the best vehicle to be inconspicuous in, but it was all I had besides my motorcycle.

The best idea for an outing that I could drum up the courage for, was a trip through a fast food drive-through. I still have no idea whether it was my appearance, the car, or maybe the terror in my voice; maybe it wasn't what I thought at all? Whatever it was, I was certain the guy at the drive-through window had clocked me instantly and that's what I could see he was telling his coworker about after he closed the window to go put my order together.

I think my heart was broken, and I remember the hot sting of tears in my eyes.

He finally finished my order and brought it to the window, and I handed him my money. I have never wanted to be invisible so much as I did right at that moment, and I was desperate to get out of there as soon as possible.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally brought back my change and what he said still seems so hugely inexplicable and filled with portent. Nonetheless, it was without any detectable trace of sarcasm that he simply handed me my change and said, "Thank you miss, have a nice night."

It's really been a lot of years since then, but I have always done my best to remember my feelings from that night and from all the other trials I have been through. I keep them in my heart for every other person I encounter who is going through what I did, whatever that might be in pursuit of.


  1. Hi Ms Puter, thought you had forgotten your password for the blog....

    Nice post.

  2. Thank you dear!
    I think the writing bug has bitten me again, we'll see how long it lasts ;)


  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Not long it seems...

    Saw your comment on Sophie's blog, I have been recently thinking a lot about those I met along the way. Part of me keeps coming back to see how folk are doing and part of me wants to stop risking touching the misery many go through. Two years since I zapped the fb account so have lost touch with many...

    I don't know how but I made it through. I used to dream of dropping by for a taco tuesday but the reality is that I have a quiet life with hardly enough for the bus fare into the nearest city so I guess we never will meet after all.

    Good to see you are still going strong and hope all well in your life with you and your partner out there in the desert.

  5. Hello :)

    thanks a lot for you visiting my page. I was long time not online because of illness. My english is unfortunately also a total disaster. Yours page I must look without ruffle or excitement, because otherwise I misunderstand definitely something :D I hope you understand me. Have a wonderful weekend :)

    lovely greetings