Empathy and guilt

http://www.amazon.com/Head-Over-Heels-Cross-Dressers-Transsexuals/dp/0789030950
This is a book recommendation, mostly meant for those TG's who are married. It's something I wish I had read long before my marriage disintegrated. The link is to the Amazon web site, but you can possibly shop for the book cheaper.
The empathy many of us have, by nature, I think is a reflection of our feminine selves. This same empathy may lead to guilt within ourselves for the position we put our wives into by pursuing transition or crossdressing. For myself, I blindly felt I understood my wife's position. After reading this book I found that there were facets to a woman's upbringing that I hadn't even considered, which were impacted by my crossdressing and transition. Despite our feminine natures, since we were not raised as women we cannot possibly see all of the ways this may be affecting our wives.
The guilt we feel is understandable, but if you wish to have true empathy with your wife, I think you must understand her position better. This book may help you do so. I must also remind you all that an experienced counselor can be invaluable at a time like this. We may believe we have control of the situation we are in with our family, and we want to solve 'the problem' by ourselves. I believe this is a naive, 'throw on the toolbelt' attitude, possibly something we have ingrained as a result of our male upbringing. What your wife needs more is for you to understand her position. A counselor can provide an objective viewpoint that will help you understand each other better. I must stress that an EXPERIENCED counselor is imperitive, particularly one who has experience with gender and sexuality issues; but any competent unbiased counselor should be helpful.
While not impossible, it still isn't a statistically likely outcome that your marriage will be saved and you'll grow old together as women. Sometimes we may be trying to fix our marriage not because of our love for our wife, but because of the guilt we feel for having caused it's dissolution. We don't want it to be 'our fault'. While GID may be the cause of your marriage not being retrievable, the GID is not your fault. You must also look honestly inside yourself to see what end outcome your transition will have on you and your wife's sexuality. All the love in the world will not change the fact your wife married and wants to live with a man. But if you and your wife have the true desire to live, love, and grow old together as women, I hope this advice helps.
Two years later, if I knew I could do it with peace of mind, I can say I would still have given up transition to have kept my family. That wasn't an option, but I do wish I had found outside help for us both.