Entry for December 20, 2005

Yahoo 360 is finally closing it's doors after leading us all along forever. I wish them well in their suicide, their abuse of our loyalty will not be forgotten.
Just the same, 360 was the germ for many of our flowering. I don't think Yahoo corporate ever saw just how cohesive a block they were helping people knit and therefore failed to realize what they were casting assunder.

Lori and many others saw the writing on the wall long before the rest of us and forged ahead to lay new ground for us all to alight. Let's hope Blogspot maintains loyalty to what helped give them birth.

Wow, December '05; my first Y360 blog entry. Hard to put myself back in that timeframe, so much water under the bridge! I prefer to look ahead now, but my perspective of that time is a very scared (but very stubborn) wtfnotaguybutmaybeagirl who had acheived an epiphany that made moving forward towards self an unavoidable imperitive.

Some losses that yes, I still mourn; but no regrets. Physically I'm really pretty happy with where I am, though it's hard to say what an influx of cash might do to that, lol. I think I could still pull off a Lara Croft look, wuddayathink?

There's already such a vibrant community here; maybe we've simply outgrown the need for such a monolithic presence as Y360?

For your edification, a repost of my first foray into the ether. Yes I cribbed the first verse, but the rest is mine:

My energy's spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my weapons and I’m helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I’m made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?

We kick and scratch and claw to naught but a jack-a-nape toy.
Damn the darkness, I'll not slip quietly to gray autumn!

A summit, gilded through haze, taunts me nonetheless.
E'er the veils do press before me, e'er will I hack them away. Sword slivers in my hand, breastplate cruel to my flesh; cast them away.
But a blazing heart to crest the mount, cherished affectations paper-thin.
Stand at the climax and shout to the ether, dare you cast me as chaff to the wind! Fates howling at tempest, trembling and steadfast I am lashed.
Chaos ebbs to dawn, blackness fades to light.

Enveloped in tranquil stillness, husks litter my feet.
At the nadir, many tiny eyes, like lasers aspire to the summit. Seeming unbidden from my breast, a gilded light pours forth.
The tiny eyes shine with purpose, and gazing back, the summit shines anew.

And I descend the other side, summits ahead in my gaze.

Somewhere between Venus and Mars

This was all inspired by the lovely Lori D and her experiences re acclimating as herself in a man's world. See her handy (couldn't resist) blog at http://lorisrevival.blogspot.com/2009/05/real-nail-biter.html

Coming to terms with men and how they look at you as a woman is some strange territory at times. I have a feeling it's not very different for natal women but seeing it from a transwoman's perspective has got to be stranger still. Sorta like going backwards through a revolving door....

I think most of the guys who knew me before transition publicly refrained from making many comments afterwards; if they showed too much interest I think it would make them feel marked as gay. There are these ugly gag videos that seem to be making the rounds lately that point this out. A lovely woman is shown in various erotic situations meant to titillate and get the ole' male juices going, but once the hook is set ultimately the video reveals she has a penis; to which the caption "YOU'RE GAY!!!" is flashed on the screen. Lovely.....I feel like we get set back another 15 years with each one.

But those men that did say anything to me were clearly opinionated in how they thought a woman should show herself and unfortunately most were pretty sexist about it. One friend surprised me when he told me my chest was too big; I was still wearing falsies at the time and it never occurred to me at the time that some men don't like bigger boobs.

But most of it I could understand and pretty much expected. What I wasn't prepared for was my own reaction when I realized I was being seen as desirable by men. Some just flat creeped me out, but there have also been some who really put the kettle on boil! My desire to not be seen as a sex object collided with the fact I was enjoying the attention; my signature line was pretty apropos there, "Stop doing that some more"!

The hardest thing I found to deal with among men was still disclosure. I don't know where my sense of this falls amongst other transwomen; but I have always been pretty paranoid about not wanting to mislead any men. Too many stupid dead tranny movies I guess.

I once went to a party that was thrown by the coworkers of my roommate at the time. It was one of the first social functions I attended here in my town with people I really did not know. My roommate had made it clear who I was with most everyone she worked with but it was a pretty big crowd and I knew there must be people there who could not have known. I had some jitters upon arriving, but we had found a place to sit and I was starting to relax. Along that time an attractive man came up to us and in greeting us he gave me a nice hug; then before I had a chance to think about it he gave me a nice kiss square on the lips! Well, I panicked a bit, not sure if he realized what he was doing in front of all his friends. I'm hopeful that I retained some composure and didn't make him feel like I thought he was being gross.

It wasn't until after the party that I had a chance to ask my roommate about him and the incident. As it turned out, he knew exactly who I was! The only thing he cared about doing was making me feel welcome since I was a friend of a friend, he didn't care what anybody else thought about it. Wow....

Seeing just how bad women do have it sometimes in a man's world, it's easy to get on the "us against them" wagon going the other way; I have to admit to riding for a while. Once after a rant from me about what pigs men can be, the same roommate at the time remarked; "Gee, you're gonna be pretty smart once you get a pussy"! ULP!!

Both sides get some share of crap in the gender battle. I'll be glad for anything that tears down the divisions; who knows, maybe we'll have some part in this.....

Just for fun

The Force Is Strong In This One
Electronics Store Canada
Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”
Me: “Ok, what was the problem?”
Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”
Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?”
Customer: “Yes, here it is.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”
Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*
Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”
Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”
Customer: *turns and leaves*
Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”

For more retail hell:
http://notalwaysright.com/

ROOM FOR RENT

I recently lost the best roommate I've ever had, for some reason she thought she oughtta go back home...gee, thanks Kim! LOL So I'm looking again.

I have a nice home in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. I am looking for a new roommate, and I would prefer a TG person. Must be reliable, neat and clean, with a verifiable source of income to pay bills. No drugs and no smoking in the house, caged pets are welcome. Rent amount is negotiable, but I like to use a flat rate that covers ALL your bills; rent, utilities, ALL FOOD AND DRINK, laundry facilities, and included high-speed internet service. Phone and television service would be your own responsibility if you need them. If you agree to the flat rate idea, right now I am asking $625.
The rented room is 11 X 11, carpeted, with a small closet. You have your own private full bath directly adjacent to the room. A corner unit desk and full size bed can be included for no additional charge. 2 closets seperate from the bedroom are available for your use, as well as a small amount of garage space for storage (parking is in the driveway). Outside of this, you have full access to the home, with the exception of my bedroom/bath, and the third bedroom, which is my workspace.
I insist things in the general living areas be kept neat and clean. Basically this just means you need to be able to clean up after yourself at all times, and help with a little household cleaning. I work from home, so I am usually present but I will respect your privacy. Email me here or putergurl@hotmail.com.

Oh gee, she's spawning!

Just a heads up about my new blog, "Marie is Flickle", flickleputergurl.blogspot.com. Cinema related drivel from a 'Zonie in the boonies.

Gee, I wanna take a shower!

The Doctor's Instructions (cribbed from email)

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Patel about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Patel advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Patel's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, " Hickory dickory dock...."

Bored? This is fun!

http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/smartspending/?fpn=how%20to%20properly%20destroy%20a%20credit%20card&GT1=33009

Make sure you read the readers comments.

Mary Overkill