Somewhere between Venus and Mars

This was all inspired by the lovely Lori D and her experiences re acclimating as herself in a man's world. See her handy (couldn't resist) blog at http://lorisrevival.blogspot.com/2009/05/real-nail-biter.html

Coming to terms with men and how they look at you as a woman is some strange territory at times. I have a feeling it's not very different for natal women but seeing it from a transwoman's perspective has got to be stranger still. Sorta like going backwards through a revolving door....

I think most of the guys who knew me before transition publicly refrained from making many comments afterwards; if they showed too much interest I think it would make them feel marked as gay. There are these ugly gag videos that seem to be making the rounds lately that point this out. A lovely woman is shown in various erotic situations meant to titillate and get the ole' male juices going, but once the hook is set ultimately the video reveals she has a penis; to which the caption "YOU'RE GAY!!!" is flashed on the screen. Lovely.....I feel like we get set back another 15 years with each one.

But those men that did say anything to me were clearly opinionated in how they thought a woman should show herself and unfortunately most were pretty sexist about it. One friend surprised me when he told me my chest was too big; I was still wearing falsies at the time and it never occurred to me at the time that some men don't like bigger boobs.

But most of it I could understand and pretty much expected. What I wasn't prepared for was my own reaction when I realized I was being seen as desirable by men. Some just flat creeped me out, but there have also been some who really put the kettle on boil! My desire to not be seen as a sex object collided with the fact I was enjoying the attention; my signature line was pretty apropos there, "Stop doing that some more"!

The hardest thing I found to deal with among men was still disclosure. I don't know where my sense of this falls amongst other transwomen; but I have always been pretty paranoid about not wanting to mislead any men. Too many stupid dead tranny movies I guess.

I once went to a party that was thrown by the coworkers of my roommate at the time. It was one of the first social functions I attended here in my town with people I really did not know. My roommate had made it clear who I was with most everyone she worked with but it was a pretty big crowd and I knew there must be people there who could not have known. I had some jitters upon arriving, but we had found a place to sit and I was starting to relax. Along that time an attractive man came up to us and in greeting us he gave me a nice hug; then before I had a chance to think about it he gave me a nice kiss square on the lips! Well, I panicked a bit, not sure if he realized what he was doing in front of all his friends. I'm hopeful that I retained some composure and didn't make him feel like I thought he was being gross.

It wasn't until after the party that I had a chance to ask my roommate about him and the incident. As it turned out, he knew exactly who I was! The only thing he cared about doing was making me feel welcome since I was a friend of a friend, he didn't care what anybody else thought about it. Wow....

Seeing just how bad women do have it sometimes in a man's world, it's easy to get on the "us against them" wagon going the other way; I have to admit to riding for a while. Once after a rant from me about what pigs men can be, the same roommate at the time remarked; "Gee, you're gonna be pretty smart once you get a pussy"! ULP!!

Both sides get some share of crap in the gender battle. I'll be glad for anything that tears down the divisions; who knows, maybe we'll have some part in this.....