10 tissues
Holy moly, what a movie! If you haven't figured it out, I'm a movie nut; well I especially like foreign films, it's no mistake that many of my favorite movies are foreign films. Come to think of it, many of them are Italian as well. The US DVD of this movie is subtitled and I know that turns some people off; luckily I usually forget a movie is in subtitles within the first few scenes. Also, at 174 minutes it's a bit long, the directors cut adds the 'what happened to everybody' ending.
All that aside, the rest is just golden! Acting, casting, and especially cinematography were incredible, it's no surprise it won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film in 1990. It's a love story, with lessons on loyalty; oh, and it's got history in it (another favorite subject), oh oh, and it's a movie about loving movies!
Apparently the movie bombed on it's initial release in Italy, so it was pulled from circulation and cut from 155 to 123 minutes. The US theatrical release was the 155 minute version. Some purists would say the 155 minute version is best, with a short sweet ending that leaves the fates of the lovers to fond memory; but I'm glad I saw the extended version. Apparently some DVD's have both versions, one on each side; but I didn't have a chance to check before I resealed the Netflix envelope to return it.
Besides the two gorgeous actors playing the lovers, on a personal level I liked best the way the film looked at loyalty in love. It takes me a long time to say the 'L' word to somebody I'm involved with, when I have it really seems to have meant something deeper to me than it did to anyone I've met so far. I'd enjoy some feedback about this. Is that how we all feel after a relationship breaks up, like nobody understands what love means to us? At any rate, to me it transcends conventions like monogamy or possesiveness, and is centered around honesty and a loyalty that says each person will be there for the other no matter what.
That's a big ticket to punch, one that many of us unknowingly punched a little too early; hence the tragedy that GID usually creates in our relationships. Bizarrely enough that wasn't how my own marriage was sundered, I only pursued transition after my ex decided she had her own immutable need she had to pursue, namely being with women. It was a cruel twist that she couldn't see me as one when she knew that's what I wanted; even though it left me free to pursue myself without the guilt so many of us harbor for being the source of the dissolution.
Maybe as a result I can't really talk to others about this guilt, but I think those in this position need to remember that we get cheated out of the chance to be honest about ourselves, both with ourselves and with our lovers, for most of our early lives. In the context of how our lives in this society play out, what choice did you have as you went through the wickets but to hide yourself? Run rabbit, run! It doesn't make it any less a tragedy, but I think we need to give ourselves a break on the guilt factor.
About Me
- Putergurl
- It's not. About me, I mean. Really!
I avoid labels when possible, but here goes: SWF, 40'ish, 20 year Navy veteran. I have an inner ham and her name is Ms. Piggy.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Movie review and confessions of a refugee from the dating world.
Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind was my Netflix selection tonight, I rate it 4 tissues! That's how I rate all movies now BTW. The record still stands at a tie of 12 tissues for Beautiful Boxer and for It's A Beautiful Life (no, I don't mean "It's A Wonderful Life", that's a different movie).
Of all Jim Carrey's 'playing against type' movies, I think I found this one the most believable; possibly because he didn't totally remove his comedic touch from the whole movie. Saying that now I realized it's an interesting coincidence considering the theme of the movie, which has to do with sanitizing memories. Kirsten Dunst could be total crap and I would still love her, so I can't really say how she was. Everyone else was great too, it was fun seeing Elijah Wood play a slimeball instead of a sweet hobbit! I always try to watch movies like this long after they come out so I'm not influenced by the hype or press that comes along with the initial release.
As to subject matter, I almost hated the movie because it comes at a time where I'm backing off from the dating world after a series of dissapointments and reevaluating my positions on things in general. I was forced to look at a practice I've engaged in almost every time dating relationships have gone sour; namely that I do my best to sanitize everything about the person from my memory and my life. Is this a common thing to do? It bothers me because it seems kind of childish, in a "I'm takin' all my marbles and going home" sorta way. It is like rewinding a tape, and writing over the past. When you take a really close look at it though, there are always tiny bits of the old that poke back through in spots, like ghosts.
One premise put forth in the movie is that you don't appreciate what you have in a relationship until it's gone. For me that seems total hooey. Whenever the situation became untenable I left, but it's always been all the more heartbreaking in the process because I can see what's being thrown away.
In the end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT), the couple each hear the other's taped admissions of what drove them away from each other; they ultimately decide to ignore that they will likely just make themselves hate each other again and we see them go off in blissful rediscovery. Do people really do this? Hasn't worked for me! When you can see that the other person just is the way they are and they aren't going to change, how can you keep on when you know you cannot live with that aspect of a person? Am I being stubborn, or sticking to my principles?
It's too Hollywood an ending I think, or am I just being sour? Love really does NOT conquer all; too often it just seems to make us stick around too long until we really get hurt.
Of all Jim Carrey's 'playing against type' movies, I think I found this one the most believable; possibly because he didn't totally remove his comedic touch from the whole movie. Saying that now I realized it's an interesting coincidence considering the theme of the movie, which has to do with sanitizing memories. Kirsten Dunst could be total crap and I would still love her, so I can't really say how she was. Everyone else was great too, it was fun seeing Elijah Wood play a slimeball instead of a sweet hobbit! I always try to watch movies like this long after they come out so I'm not influenced by the hype or press that comes along with the initial release.
As to subject matter, I almost hated the movie because it comes at a time where I'm backing off from the dating world after a series of dissapointments and reevaluating my positions on things in general. I was forced to look at a practice I've engaged in almost every time dating relationships have gone sour; namely that I do my best to sanitize everything about the person from my memory and my life. Is this a common thing to do? It bothers me because it seems kind of childish, in a "I'm takin' all my marbles and going home" sorta way. It is like rewinding a tape, and writing over the past. When you take a really close look at it though, there are always tiny bits of the old that poke back through in spots, like ghosts.
One premise put forth in the movie is that you don't appreciate what you have in a relationship until it's gone. For me that seems total hooey. Whenever the situation became untenable I left, but it's always been all the more heartbreaking in the process because I can see what's being thrown away.
In the end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT), the couple each hear the other's taped admissions of what drove them away from each other; they ultimately decide to ignore that they will likely just make themselves hate each other again and we see them go off in blissful rediscovery. Do people really do this? Hasn't worked for me! When you can see that the other person just is the way they are and they aren't going to change, how can you keep on when you know you cannot live with that aspect of a person? Am I being stubborn, or sticking to my principles?
It's too Hollywood an ending I think, or am I just being sour? Love really does NOT conquer all; too often it just seems to make us stick around too long until we really get hurt.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Are you a syllable hog?
Random Silliness Ahead!
I was looking at names of all my friends here today, and I was struck by the range in syllables for the names we have chosen. Some have really cute, brief names that hardly take up any syllables at all. Now unless she has chosen a middle name like Roseannaroseannadanna (RIP Gilda), then I think Susan Smith, my friend here in town, has the corner on syllable conservation. And then I looked.....at...mine... Uh oh!
Now I always tell people I have an inner ham, and she's Ms. Piggy! So at first I just attributed my syllabloquaciousness (yes, it's a word, if you don't find it you aren't using the right dictionary, just ask Ms. Piggy!), to my natural hamminess. And for the count, it's Marie Julieanne Aponte. Which by the way, has had the rather annoying effect that some people seem to think after I pronounce it without the middle name , that my first name is Maria, and my last name is Pontay. ERRRR!
Then I started to think about the worldwide phenomenon in which the length of names are inversely related to population. In heavily populated Asian countries, for example, we see short, precise names, like Jet Li. In sparsely populated areas like Iceland, we end up with names like Hildur Helga Sigurðardóttir. I swear, it's a real name! No, that one isn't even in Ms. Piggy's dictionary! And no offense to anyone of Icelandic origins, but I can't say it either! Makes my tongue hurt, OWTH!
So now of course I'm curious if we don't have some sort of index, some sort of common experience where we differ in extremes that has some mysterious inverse connection to the length of names we pick?
After much scientific thought, I have what I think is an obvious link. OK, it was only as much thought as it took to finish off the dregs in the bottom of the icecream box in front of me.....
Could it be desired boob size?!
Now, going into my third year of HRT, the girls are a shapely but not exactly statuesque 36A. And more that I think about it, while it might have been nice if mother had blessed me a little more in the gene pool there, I think I'll be happy with them as they are. I like that they're all me ;) Did I compensate with my name by scamming off with all 8 syllables? Where does that leave Susan? Good luck with those honey, but hey, you make it look FABULOUS!
So there you have it, and I'm throwing it out for consideration. Does my theory hold any mammaries or do I need a Wonderbra? Is there some other possible connection? Who has the longest syllable count in their name? Shortest?
I was looking at names of all my friends here today, and I was struck by the range in syllables for the names we have chosen. Some have really cute, brief names that hardly take up any syllables at all. Now unless she has chosen a middle name like Roseannaroseannadanna (RIP Gilda), then I think Susan Smith, my friend here in town, has the corner on syllable conservation. And then I looked.....at...mine... Uh oh!
Now I always tell people I have an inner ham, and she's Ms. Piggy! So at first I just attributed my syllabloquaciousness (yes, it's a word, if you don't find it you aren't using the right dictionary, just ask Ms. Piggy!), to my natural hamminess. And for the count, it's Marie Julieanne Aponte. Which by the way, has had the rather annoying effect that some people seem to think after I pronounce it without the middle name , that my first name is Maria, and my last name is Pontay. ERRRR!
Then I started to think about the worldwide phenomenon in which the length of names are inversely related to population. In heavily populated Asian countries, for example, we see short, precise names, like Jet Li. In sparsely populated areas like Iceland, we end up with names like Hildur Helga Sigurðardóttir. I swear, it's a real name! No, that one isn't even in Ms. Piggy's dictionary! And no offense to anyone of Icelandic origins, but I can't say it either! Makes my tongue hurt, OWTH!
So now of course I'm curious if we don't have some sort of index, some sort of common experience where we differ in extremes that has some mysterious inverse connection to the length of names we pick?
After much scientific thought, I have what I think is an obvious link. OK, it was only as much thought as it took to finish off the dregs in the bottom of the icecream box in front of me.....
Could it be desired boob size?!
Now, going into my third year of HRT, the girls are a shapely but not exactly statuesque 36A. And more that I think about it, while it might have been nice if mother had blessed me a little more in the gene pool there, I think I'll be happy with them as they are. I like that they're all me ;) Did I compensate with my name by scamming off with all 8 syllables? Where does that leave Susan? Good luck with those honey, but hey, you make it look FABULOUS!
So there you have it, and I'm throwing it out for consideration. Does my theory hold any mammaries or do I need a Wonderbra? Is there some other possible connection? Who has the longest syllable count in their name? Shortest?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Call me Ms. Dolittle
Some time ago when returning from Glamis, CA after dropping my son off with his mother (Glamis is our prescribed meeting place, being midway between San Diego and Lake Havasu City), I came across my Bull snake, Carly. She was stretched across the road, sunning herself as I passed. I thought I had run her over, but I went back to look anyhow. She was fine, and I had a sturdy bag from my car cover in the trunk to take her home with. Some of you may recall my saying she was a Corn snake, but I have recently found out that was incorrect. The only thing of note that makes different, is that her maximum length she may reach has now been revised up nearly another 2 feet from her current 67" length!
Well, here's a new chapter in my story of animal magnetism! This adorable bird, an African Gray parrot, came into my yard this week, all on it's own. Obviously either abandoned or lost/escaped, he is tame as can be. I carefully put my hand to him where he was perched, he climbed right on my hand and basically has not left my side all week!
The poor guy had to stay in a box overnight, but I found a nice new cage the following day for only $40. It's actually a rodent cage, but suits him just fine. I wasn't about to shell out $200+ bucks for a cage when somebody might come for him!
Of course, I reported it to the local animal shelter; but at this point I really hope nobody comes for him! He's apparently very young, and has only started to vocalize, though he doesn't say any words yet. After myself, my roommate and her daughter brainstormed a bit, we've mostly settled on Gandalf as a name :) How do I know it's a boy? The same way I knew Carly was a girl, women's intuition, lol! It's possible to sex them, but who cares? Sort of fitting that I might have gender confused animals for pets, eh?
This all reminds me of my father, who we lost in 1998 to cancer. He was a bird fancier and always had one or 2 cockatiels or other birds about. I'd never thought about keeping one myself, their exhorbitant price tags usually made me pass them by in the pet store. Can't beat this price, so what the hey, and they say pets make you live longer!
Well, here's a new chapter in my story of animal magnetism! This adorable bird, an African Gray parrot, came into my yard this week, all on it's own. Obviously either abandoned or lost/escaped, he is tame as can be. I carefully put my hand to him where he was perched, he climbed right on my hand and basically has not left my side all week!
The poor guy had to stay in a box overnight, but I found a nice new cage the following day for only $40. It's actually a rodent cage, but suits him just fine. I wasn't about to shell out $200+ bucks for a cage when somebody might come for him!
Of course, I reported it to the local animal shelter; but at this point I really hope nobody comes for him! He's apparently very young, and has only started to vocalize, though he doesn't say any words yet. After myself, my roommate and her daughter brainstormed a bit, we've mostly settled on Gandalf as a name :) How do I know it's a boy? The same way I knew Carly was a girl, women's intuition, lol! It's possible to sex them, but who cares? Sort of fitting that I might have gender confused animals for pets, eh?
This all reminds me of my father, who we lost in 1998 to cancer. He was a bird fancier and always had one or 2 cockatiels or other birds about. I'd never thought about keeping one myself, their exhorbitant price tags usually made me pass them by in the pet store. Can't beat this price, so what the hey, and they say pets make you live longer!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Columbia Rides Again!
In what has turned into an annual event for me, I made it once again to the Las Vegas Halloween Fetish and Fantasy Ball this year I've been going since the 2006 event, and have had a fabulous time every year.
I nearly did not go. Financial constraints (like the rest of us), not being able to get a new costume, as well as a case of the funks brought on by my boyfriends family (long story), all had me questioning the wisdom of going. Thankfully, Mari (she's the gorgeous Pixie on the left), and my friend Eden who was also coming from San Diego helped convince me to go. Columbia (from Rocky Horror Picture Show) was pressed back into service as my costume again this year .
It was a great decision! In my typical fashion, a planned 10AM departure time ended up stretching to almost 4PM But this still left plenty of time to visit and go out for dinner with Mari, and get ready for the Ball which started at 10PM.
This year's event was held at the Las Vegas Sport Center, one of their long-time locations. They have really outgrown this location, and they have tried other venues in recent years. But with last year's venue having been a minor disaster they wisely went back to what works this year. The 2006 event was the most successfully I've seen, but that was held at the now demolished Stardust hotel/casino.
Still, it was a great time!! Mari's friend Jenna (the babealicious angel on the right) joined us all the way from Maine! We spent the first part of the event getting drinks (long lines) and watching the shows going on, as well as the circus of people around us. See the website for the event, http://www.halloweenball.com/ for more info about the acts that showed up this year, as well as pics from prior years events (I'm in the 2007 pics ). Within a few weeks, they should post pictures of this year's event.
After tiring of walking around in sexy but less than comfortable heels, we all found a tiered podium where we could sit and watch the parade go by. It turned into a great spot, with the three of us drawing a constant crowd taking pictures with us! I'm certain the event photographers caught us all at least once, so we'll no doubt be in the 2008 pics on their web page.
We eventually ended up back on the main event floor, being just in time to catch some of the wickedest acts there, including Rubber Doll and FAQ, Chain Goddess, Perish and Mycol Fire. The Time Warp Players did a fair rendition of 'The Time Warp', but they were conspicuously missing Riff-Raff, Columbia, and Magenta! I would have liked to do my best to represent Columbia, but I got a little , BACAAWK!
We finally ended up closing the show after 4AM, and went to a Denny's for some breakfast. Only in Las Vegas could we all have shown up at Denny's in full regalia, and nobody batted an eye!! I was actually a little chagrined at this, my inner ham was tempted to burst into a 'Time Warp' routine right there to make up for my earlier timidness! I'm sure Mari and Jenna will thank me for my restraint later .
So there you have it! If any of you would like to attend next year's event, start making plans NOW! Watch the web page for announcement of the location and get reservations if it's held at a hotel/casino. This is way more convenient than driving in costume to the event. Tickets typically go on sale immediately after they announce their location, and will be much cheaper than their at-the-door or last minute prices. Get your costume idea and go for it! With a little creativity, you can make your own as I did (expensive, but it looks fabulous!), or apply some polish and pizazz to a packaged costume. I'm sure to go again, all things willing; I'd enjoy meeting you there!
I don't know if this link will work, but the event photographers are posting pics at their web site, we are in there:
http://www.partypics.com/ver2/EventImages.aspx?Page=9
I nearly did not go. Financial constraints (like the rest of us), not being able to get a new costume, as well as a case of the funks brought on by my boyfriends family (long story), all had me questioning the wisdom of going. Thankfully, Mari (she's the gorgeous Pixie on the left), and my friend Eden who was also coming from San Diego helped convince me to go. Columbia (from Rocky Horror Picture Show) was pressed back into service as my costume again this year .
It was a great decision! In my typical fashion, a planned 10AM departure time ended up stretching to almost 4PM But this still left plenty of time to visit and go out for dinner with Mari, and get ready for the Ball which started at 10PM.
This year's event was held at the Las Vegas Sport Center, one of their long-time locations. They have really outgrown this location, and they have tried other venues in recent years. But with last year's venue having been a minor disaster they wisely went back to what works this year. The 2006 event was the most successfully I've seen, but that was held at the now demolished Stardust hotel/casino.
Still, it was a great time!! Mari's friend Jenna (the babealicious angel on the right) joined us all the way from Maine! We spent the first part of the event getting drinks (long lines) and watching the shows going on, as well as the circus of people around us. See the website for the event, http://www.halloweenball.com/ for more info about the acts that showed up this year, as well as pics from prior years events (I'm in the 2007 pics ). Within a few weeks, they should post pictures of this year's event.
After tiring of walking around in sexy but less than comfortable heels, we all found a tiered podium where we could sit and watch the parade go by. It turned into a great spot, with the three of us drawing a constant crowd taking pictures with us! I'm certain the event photographers caught us all at least once, so we'll no doubt be in the 2008 pics on their web page.
We eventually ended up back on the main event floor, being just in time to catch some of the wickedest acts there, including Rubber Doll and FAQ, Chain Goddess, Perish and Mycol Fire. The Time Warp Players did a fair rendition of 'The Time Warp', but they were conspicuously missing Riff-Raff, Columbia, and Magenta! I would have liked to do my best to represent Columbia, but I got a little , BACAAWK!
We finally ended up closing the show after 4AM, and went to a Denny's for some breakfast. Only in Las Vegas could we all have shown up at Denny's in full regalia, and nobody batted an eye!! I was actually a little chagrined at this, my inner ham was tempted to burst into a 'Time Warp' routine right there to make up for my earlier timidness! I'm sure Mari and Jenna will thank me for my restraint later .
So there you have it! If any of you would like to attend next year's event, start making plans NOW! Watch the web page for announcement of the location and get reservations if it's held at a hotel/casino. This is way more convenient than driving in costume to the event. Tickets typically go on sale immediately after they announce their location, and will be much cheaper than their at-the-door or last minute prices. Get your costume idea and go for it! With a little creativity, you can make your own as I did (expensive, but it looks fabulous!), or apply some polish and pizazz to a packaged costume. I'm sure to go again, all things willing; I'd enjoy meeting you there!
I don't know if this link will work, but the event photographers are posting pics at their web site, we are in there:
http://www.partypics.com/ver2/EventImages.aspx?Page=9
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
(letter to a friend) Heartsmile!
Hi L That's what I call it when something makes me smile inside, it was like that seeing your message in my inbox here :)
I know all too well the place you find yourself. What begins as a pleasant diversion becomes a burning question of identity. As time goes by, we stack the scales with reasons why on one side, and why not to pursue our selves on the other, looking for something to tip the scales and tell us which way to go. It reminds me, oddly enough, about an old Popeye cartoon. While chasing his nemesis Bluto, Popeye comes upon a very small bedouin tent; when he looks inside the tent it is bizarrely huge and spacious, but when he looks outside again, it's still just a small tent. All the concrete reasons we set up to try to make sense of it all mean nothing, because it still just is.
I know the precise moment when I knew that I had to pursue the person I'm unfolding into. All those concrete reasons I'd set up to deny myself had finally been stripped away. Still, I struggled for nearly 3 months directly with the question of whether to transition or not. I often wonder what it was that finally tipped the scales for me, I'm still not certain. But I woke up with a bolt one morning around 3:00 AM, finally seeing with clarity of vision what it was I should do. The only thing I've come to surmise is that I finally knew what I wanted, with no excuses or justifications one way or the other about what others wanted.
It sounds so selfish on the outside, because it is all about one's self. I think I realized the person I thought I would be taking away from my loved ones would cease to exist anyway if I didn't let myself be.
Two years later, there are still things I lost from transition that give me great sadness, but I have no regrets. It just is what it is.....
M
I've probably iterated all this before, but what the hey. No, it's not to Lori, lol!
I know all too well the place you find yourself. What begins as a pleasant diversion becomes a burning question of identity. As time goes by, we stack the scales with reasons why on one side, and why not to pursue our selves on the other, looking for something to tip the scales and tell us which way to go. It reminds me, oddly enough, about an old Popeye cartoon. While chasing his nemesis Bluto, Popeye comes upon a very small bedouin tent; when he looks inside the tent it is bizarrely huge and spacious, but when he looks outside again, it's still just a small tent. All the concrete reasons we set up to try to make sense of it all mean nothing, because it still just is.
I know the precise moment when I knew that I had to pursue the person I'm unfolding into. All those concrete reasons I'd set up to deny myself had finally been stripped away. Still, I struggled for nearly 3 months directly with the question of whether to transition or not. I often wonder what it was that finally tipped the scales for me, I'm still not certain. But I woke up with a bolt one morning around 3:00 AM, finally seeing with clarity of vision what it was I should do. The only thing I've come to surmise is that I finally knew what I wanted, with no excuses or justifications one way or the other about what others wanted.
It sounds so selfish on the outside, because it is all about one's self. I think I realized the person I thought I would be taking away from my loved ones would cease to exist anyway if I didn't let myself be.
Two years later, there are still things I lost from transition that give me great sadness, but I have no regrets. It just is what it is.....
M
I've probably iterated all this before, but what the hey. No, it's not to Lori, lol!
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