I'm OK

Lori made me do it, but all of us who are enjoying the relative serenity in our lives to do so are doing it. Our blog look back at the road we've travelled recently, or perhaps at the whole year's worth.
That photo says it, right there. My attitude at the moment for all the dissapointments and misfortunes I've seen. And it's set to the song, from Styx, 'I'm OK'. Screw it, I'm moving on! To everyone and everything that's been in my way, a great big rasberry to it all.
Lori also reminded me of the real reason I started this entry. To all of you who've shared of yourselves here, bless you! I am richer for it, we all have enjoyed the benefit of each other's experience and counsel. And, Lori again (bless you girl), I agree. Pouring out my story has been cathartic for me, but my real hope in being here has been that someone else, in any small way, could find help, solace, anything at all that helped them 'keep moving on'.
We've all been travelling a similar road, each of us at a different point on the way. For those who are at the rockiest points, please stick with us. We were there too, so we can say; if you just 'keep moving on', you'll have to pass beyond those rocky ways eventually, and you'll find yourself kicking stones out of your way, walking a smoother path.
Love, hope, and serenity to you all. When that person you've been searching for is suddenly peering back at you, in any small way, you might even be startled to find she's just who you thought she was. Just sing with me......Iiiiiiiiii'm Okaaaay!

Please see this movie!

I have to ask everyone with the least interest in anything transgendered, to see this movie, Beautiful Boxer. This is by far the best movie with a transgender subject line I have ever seen.
It's the story of a Muay-Thai kickboxer, Nong-Toom, who makes her transition while still competing in kickboxing. It's a foreign movie with subtitles, but it's one of those that will make you forget you are reading subtitles.
There is one error in the movie caused by the Thai-English subtitle translation; she is referred to as being a transvestite, though she is transexual.
Most MTF TS's have a similar story, but her story so closely parallels mine! I strongly identify with her experience, with the chief parallel having been my military service. Her realization of self and childhood experiences are very similar to mine. Even outside of the transgender subject matter, it is a fabulous movie. MUST SEE!

She's baaaaack!

Good heavens, time does fly!
It's been an exciting year, I must say. Notable events since my last blog entry included attending the 2007 Fetish and Fantasy Ball in Las Vegas, NV. I also traveled to the Pacific Northwest to visit family, we had a mini-reunion there. My roommate Stacey has moved out and found her own place, and I've been found by a very special man who is becomming a major part of my life.
I'll fill in on these events in seperate entries, but there is a picture of me and my friend Edie at the '07 Ball. Can you guess what our characters were?

Pages

Good heavens, so much for the blog lag time! It's been quite a busy past few months, to say the least.
HRT is going well, no unexpected bad side effects. Good one's include breast development, decreased body hair and ejaculate; spontaneous erections are a thing of the past. My friends tell me my features are softening, of course that is hard for me to tell; I see my mug every day! The tape measure tells a story too. It's strange, my bust measurement this month has gone down an inch, even though I have visibly larger breasts; my chest measurement increased an inch. And a whopping 2 inches increase on my posterior! Do these make my butt look too big, LOL!?
After a period of fighting and arguing all the time, my roommate and I are getting along better, that is a huge blessing. I'm Felix and she is Oscar, if that tells you anything. She was also without work for the month of March, the money strain made things very difficult.
My divorce was final in March, I cried all the way home from the courthouse. A page turns, and bursts into flames, lost to me forever. I know I am fortunate we are still amicable, I kept my house, and I have access to my son. But my family was the most important thing to me; if I could do it with peace of mind, I would take it all back in an instant.
Also in March, my legal name change was completed; as far as the State of Arizona is concerned, I am Marie J Aponte, single white female!!!
Was March an important month? I guess!
Take care friends!
Marie

Kindness of strangers

The time does fly......
Nearly 1 month on spiro is past, I'm only on 100mg/day right now, taking it slow. No bad side effects. I am seeing fewer spontaneous erections, and I feel calmer most of the time. Nothing else noticeable yet, we will see about upping the doseage next month. I will start the estrogen after this week too, 2mg/day for the first week, then 4mg/day afterwards. I will have follow-up labs in January.
My son was here for Thanksgiving, I picked him up Wednesday in Glamis as usual. Had some misadventure on the way with the '83 Suburban I just bought. I had checked the water before leaving, but left the radiator cap sitting on the the fender! It didn't get hot for over 100 miles, just before I hit Palo Verde, but I pulled over as soon as it did. One of the farmers there stopped and went to get water for me and brought it back! There are still nice people in this world. Luckily the cap was still sitting on the fender, so after refilling it, I was back on my way, everything was fine. We went motorcycle riding all day Saturday, my usual freinds were present, plus the President of our PFLAG chapter and her son. Stacey came out later in the day too after she got off of work, we had a great time.
Happy Holidays to everyone!

Fetish and Fantasy

Wow, I'm sure getting the BLT down, aren't I?
What a month! First and foremost, I had my follow-up appointment with my doctor! As promised, she has agreed to help me with HRT I left her office with the script for estrogen and spiro, and I finally filled them yesterday. After dreaming so long about this, it was scary to finally be realizing it. Filling the prescription was no problem, and it was accepted by the insurance, whew!
I called my freinds in town to let them know, and I'm trying to set up a puberty party with them this weekend, lol! It really will be like entering puberty again, lucky me, huh? I feel for Stacey, it's gonna get challenging here putting up with the possible/probable mood swings. I'm going slowly with the dosages though, hopefully it won't be too bad.
As if that wasn't exciting enough, we had the PFLAG meeting the following evening. It was very nice, there were many interesting people there. Kim, the president, is a very dynamic person. Stacey and I both became members and it looks like I'll be going to Phoenix to attend classes so I can be a facilitator for the meetings. I was an instructor for many years during my time in the USN, so I'm used to talking in front of others. I look forward to helping the group out as much as I can.
And of course, there was the Halloween party! Stacey and I left Sat morning for Vegas to meet Edie (Eden), my TG freind from San Diego. We had a great room at the Stardust, this is also where the Halloween ball was held. We learned while we were there that the Stardust is closing, they are going to demolish it and build a new casino/hotel! We were among the last guests staying there, as of yesterday it is closed!
The ball was incredible! Stacey went as the Queen of Hearts, leading little Alice around on her leash! Edie was Goldilocks, she was very cute! We had lots of attention all night long! The entertainment was amazing, the costumes kept our heads turning all night trying to take it all in. The Travel Channel listed this as one of the top 10 events in the world to attend, they were not kidding! I heartily recommend anyone who is interested to attend next years event, you will not be dissapointed. You can look at their website for details, http://www.halloweenball.com/.
OK, that's all for now. What can I do with a pair of white patent leather go-go boots?............

Reaching out

October is nearly spent already! It's really been nice since the weather cooled down. Still have not had a motorcycle ride yet though!
I finally went to see a doctor about HRT! Stacey went with me for support, and it was a huge relief. I had not been this nervous about anything in my transition since I finished coming out to my family and freinds. I know that hormones do not make one a woman, but getting HRT is still sort of a gateway to real transition; if I could not start with a doctor's help, I would have been forced to go DIY.
I didn't walk out with a prescription, of course, but I did not get turned away either! The doctor and nurses were all very nice. The doctor listened to me, and after admitting she did not know what the course of treatment is for MTF HRT, took in all the information I presented to her. She said she was not going to turn me away, and scheduled a follow on appointment, and OMG, it's already only 2 days away for that!
I also had a visit last weekend from both Galen and Michele. Galen is a TG person I have talked with on IM for several months. She came all the way from Pinetop, AZ to meet Stacey and I. She is really just beginning to explore herself after realizing she is TG, much the same place I was in my early 20's.
Michele is an owner/moderator for Transgender Outreach, a Yahoo support group I have been a member of for quite some time. She has had a tumultuous past few months, as her BF has broken things off with her after a summer together in OR. Things had looked so good for her! Still, she is forging on, and I admire her strength.
Finally, I received a call from the organizer of a new local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Family of Lesbian And Gay). The first meeting will be this Wednesday! They are a support and advocacy group that includes the transgendered. The organizer has a TG son who attends school here. I've been trying to reach out here to others (on a non sexual basis), this is the first positive contact I have made.
Next big event, the Halloween Party! Woo-Hoo!
MJ